Captain Kirk Promotes Safe Sex

[Scene opens with William Shatner as Captain Kirk, sitting in the Captain’s chair on the bridge of the USS Enterprise. He looks sternly at the camera.]

Captain Kirk: “Greetings, I’m Captain Kirk, and I’m here to talk to you about an important issue: safe sex.”

[Cut to a shot of the crew of the USS Enterprise, all looking serious and concerned.]

Captain Kirk: “As we explore new worlds and new civilizations, it’s important to remember to always protect ourselves and our partners. Whether we’re on the ship or on shore leave, it’s crucial to take the necessary precautions to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections.”

[Cut back to Captain Kirk, who leans forward and speaks directly to the camera.]

Captain Kirk: “So let’s be responsible, brave and smart. Use condoms, get tested regularly, and always communicate openly with our partners about our sexual health. After all, our mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before – but let’s make sure we do it safely.”

[Scene closes with the USS Enterprise blasting off into space, with the message “Protect yourself and your partner: Always practice safe sex” displayed on the screen.]